abc's

A - Age: 19

B - Bed size: idk, small. lol

C - Chore you hate: dishes

D - Dog's names: dont have one

E - Essential start to your day: music

F - Favorite color: red

G - Gold or Silver: gold

H - Height: 5 ft. and 11 inches

I - Instruments you play(ed): none

J - Job title: receptionist

K - Kid(s):none

L - Living arrangements: own apt

M - Mom's name: erika

N - Nicknames: miki

O - Overnight hospital stay other than birth: yea

P - Pet Peeve:popping gum

Q - Quote from a movie: i cant eat taco bell, im on an all card diet, gosh karen youre so stupid!

R - Right or left handed: right

T - Time you wake up: depends on what time i have to be to class

U- Underwear: flowers

V - Vegetable you dislike: cabbage

W - Ways you run late: taking too long to get dressed

X - X-rays you've had: chest

Y - Yummy food you make: tacos

Z - Zoo favorite: i dont like animals

100ish truth

1. Last beverage:agua
. Last song you listened to: sly fox by nas


HAVE YOU EVER:
6. Dated someone twice:no
7. Been cheated on:not that i know of
8. Kissed someone & regretted it?: umm yea. lol
9. Lost someone special?: yessss
10. Been depressed?: YEAH.. NOT ON SOME CRAZY ISH THOUGH
11. Been drunk?: lmao. yessssssssss. lol

LIST THREE FAVORITE COLORS:
12. PINK
13. red
14. GREEN

THIS YEAR HAVE YOU:
15. Made new friends: YEAH
16. Fallen out of love:no
17. Laughed until you cried: YEP
18. Met someone who changed you: kind of
19. Found out who your true friends were: yesss
20. Found out someone was talking about you:nah
21. Kissed anyone on your friend's list: lmao, yessss
23. How many kids do you want to have:as many as come out. lol
24. Do you have any pets: NOPE
25. Do you want to change your name: NO
26. What did you do for your last birthday: PARTIED
27. What time did you wake up today: 9 30ish
28. What were you doing at midnight last night: abouta go to sleep
29. Name something you CANNOT wait for: me to get back cool with a special someone. lol
30. Last time you saw your father: its been a while
31. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life: I accept things as they are
33. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: no
34. What's getting on your nerves right now?: people, my tv is kind of too loud too. lol

36. Whats your real name?: Malaka Monique Wilson-Greene
37. Relationship Status: SINGLE...mostly. lol
38. Zodiac sign: scorpio
39. Male or female: lady
40. Elementary: too maNy to name
41. Middle School: same
42. High school: again
44. Long or short: ummm....long...lol
45. Height: 5'11" ALWAYS THE TALLEST
46. Do you have a crush on someone?: is it still a crush, if the person knows you like them and the feeling is mutual? lol.
47. What do you like about yourself?: everything
48. Piercings: MY EARS
49. Tattoos: 1
50. Righty or lefty: RIGHTY

FIRSTS :
51. First surgery: None
52. First piercing: MY EARS
53. First tattoo: i only have 1
54. First best friend: erica k. freeman
55. First sport you joined: soccer
56. First pet: a black shaagy dog
57. First vacation: po people dont take vacays
58. First concert: B2K SCREAM TOUR 2
59. First crush: chistoopherrr
60. First alcohol drink: shit i dont rememeber. lol

RIGHT NOW:
61. Eating: NOTHING
62. Drinking: NOTHING
63. I'm about to: do some more of nothing. lol
65. Waitin for: sundayyy

YOUR FUTURE :
66. Want kids?: YEAH.. i guess
67. Want to get married?: nah..(audible gasp!)
68. Careers in mind?: LAWYER, entreprenuer

WHICH IS BETTER WITH THE OPPOSITE SEX?
69. Lips or eyes: lips
70. Hugs or kisses: kisses
71. Shorter or taller: TALLER
72. Older or Younger: doesnt matter
73. Romantic or spontaneous: BOTH
74. Nice stomach or nice arms: both
75. Tattoos or piercings: TATTOOS
76. Sensitive or loud: sensitive
77. Hook-up or relationship: RELATIONSHIP
78. Trouble maker or hesitant: trouble make

HAVE YOU EVER :
79. Kissed a stranger: NO
80. Drank hard liquor: YEAH
81. Lost glasses/contacts: NO
82. Sex on first date: no
85. Been arrested?: No
86. Turned someone down: YEa
87. Cried when someone died: YEAH
88. Liked a friend that is a girl?: NO

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:
89. Yourself: YEAH
90. Miracles: ummm i guess
91. Love at first sight: NAH
92. Heaven:heaven is whatever you want it to be
93. Santa Claus: NAH
94. Kissing on the first date?: yea
95. Angels: angels are what you want them to be

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:
96. Is there one person you want to be with right now?:yea
97. Had more than one girlfriend at one time?: no
98. Do you believe its possible to remain faithful forever?:yes
99. Do you have any regrets in life?: yea, but you live and you learn
100. Posting this as 100 Truths? I GUESS SO

Cuz I Was/Am Bored

1. Who was your last text from?
Abie

2. Where was your default picture taken?
UCR

3. Your relationship status?
free...mostly. lol

4. Have you ever lost a close friend?
no

5. What is your current mood?
bored, intrigued, confused

6. How many siblings do you have?
3 little brothers

7. Whats your brother(s)/sister(s) names?
david, eric, cory

8. Where do you wish you were right now?
at a party, or at least drinking and smoking with friends. lol

9. Have a crazy side?
have a sane side?

10. Ever had a near death experience?
no.

11. Something you do a lot?
eat, but not enough

12. Angry at anyone?
sort of

13. What's stopping you from going for the person you like?
i did


14. When was the last time you cried?
i dont remember

15. Is there anyone you would do anything for?
yes

16. What do you think about when you are falling asleep?
people

17. Who was the last person you spoke to on the phone?
mommie!

18. Whats your favourite song?
at last by etta james

19. What are you doing right now?
eating(lol), thinking, watching law & order, lying down

20. Who do you trust right now?
completely: myself, erica

21. Where did you get the shirt you are wearing?
from gwip's think pink event

22. Have you kissed someone in the last week?
lol

23. Who is your friend that lives closest to you?
abie

24. Describe your life in 1 word?
whirlwind

25. Who are you thinking of right now?
aaron

26. What should you be doing right now?
homework, as always

27. What are you listening to?
the television

28. Who was the last person that gave you a hug?
ashley goff

29. Who was the last person that yelled at you?
ummm, jasmine maybe

30. Do you act differently around the person you like?
umm not really

31. What is your natural hair colour?
dark brown

32. Who was the last person to make you laugh?
key lo lo dorsey

33. Who was the last person to make you sad?
aaron

34. What do you hear?
the television duh

35. Is your hair curly or straight?
straight

36. Has anyone ever called you "scrumptious" before?
lmao i dont think so

37. Do you have a best friend?
yesss

38. Held hands with the opposite sex in the last 3 days?
no

39. Do you use smiley faces on the computer?
no

40. Have you ever changed clothes in a vehicle?
yep

41. Are you happy with life right now?
not really, but i should be

42. Are you currently jealous?
no

43. What Makes are you currently wearing?
makes?

44. What were you doing on Friday night?
this is friday night

45. Have you ever had your heart broken?
can you have your heart broken by someone who never had it?

46. Have you ever broken someone's heart?
i do think so, kind of. lol

47. Is there anybody you're really disappointed in right now?
sortaaa

48. What was the last reason you went to the doctor?
pink eye

49. How late did you stay up last night and why?
12ish

50. Have you ever dated someone longer than a year?
nah

Why I Choose Not To...

Derogatory words to describe womyn. So, I'm beginning this new journey. I am elimination words, like bitch, ho, cunt, slut, etc. from my vocabluary. To some these are not derogatory words at all, simply words used in a playful way or words used to describe womyn who posses those characteristics. A bitch is someone who has a bad attitude. A ho and a slut are womyn who have sex with a lot of men. But then you get to the word cunt, a that word is used simply to describe a woman. I don't like when words that are also used to demean women, our body parts, our sexuality, and our being are also used to decribe our gender. It is not just an issue when males use these words, but also when womyn use them.

Poetic Revelations

So today I performed a poem in front of an audience for the first time. It at an event for sexual assault awareness, called Take Back the Night. You might have heard of a similar event before. I was nervous, but it was really chill, so that was good. I wish that I could have put more feeling into the poem, but next time I'll do better. I am going to be performing at a event on May 23rd. I am going to write a poem soon and practice it, so that it can really be good and I won't be so nervous. Poetry is becoming a bigger part of my life. I've been writing poetry for many years now, but was always too nervous to say it in front of an audience, but I really wanted to say this poem. I love spoken word, I watch Def Poetry all the time, and have even memorized some of the poems that appear on there.

Here's the poem that I said tonight:

I was raped once. But in my mind I've been raped every day of my life because what happened that day has been spinning like a turntable in my head. Back and forth, spinning, around and around, spinning, playing, again and again. Everything from that scence stays warped in my head. And this has become such a part of me that I'm thinking that I should PLEAD insanity.

I was raped once. And every since that day I've been raped 365 days a year. See I was at this party and yes I had been drinking, and yes my shorts were short. But this time I was just looking for a good time without sex.

I didn't say yes but I didn't say no. Because I didn't feel I had the right to. Because someone like me should be happy to have someone like him want me, sexually. I didn't say no but I didn't say yes either because I was afraid of disappointing him. I believed my own being to be so feeble that my sole purpose was so please him. So I lay there as cold, quiet, and un-inviting as my body could sub-concouisly muster. And I wondered how it feels to fuck a partner, who remained so still. How it feels to dominate, how it feels to hate, what created you. I tried to answer these questions and others in my mind while my insides were simultaeneously being ripped apart. I thought about why both of us in this bed hated me so much that we didn't see that it was my right, my right, my right, to say no. No matter how much I had been drinking, no matter how much you consider me a ho, it was my right, my right, my right, to say no.

But he didn't just hate me, he hated himself so he subjected that hate on the opposite of himself. Like the KKK on the black man, like the rich on the poor man.

I didn't say yes but I didn't say no. Because I was afraid that he would try to hurt me if I rejected him.
So as I lay there, being no agent in my pleasure, my freeing or my captivity, I searched for a place in my own mind, where the sun shone like diamonds and my body was mine.

I am the video vixen. I am the ho. I am the bitch. I am the girl who wanted it, who deserved it. I am your girlfriend, your mother, your daughter, your sister, your friend.

The Politics of Being "Mixed"

Ok, I am not African. I am African-American aka regular ol' Black. Now I do have a firm belief that all black people are the same no matter where you are from, but I also recognize the differences between the two cultures and also the divide. People often mistake me for African and don't believe me or are surprised when I tell them that I am African-American. They say I look too "exotic" to be African-American. I get a lot of people who think I am Egyptian, Ugandan, Ethiopian, Eritrean, etc. I am proud to be who I am, but I also appreciate the African heritage as one that is my own. One aspect of the divide that I feel is an internal problem, is the one that 1. Africans know what country original ancestry is from, while African-Americans do not because of slavery. 2. People fear, create, and perpetuate stereotypes about the unknown. For example, I have been told many times that Africans believe that African-Americans have had a lot of luxuries afforded to them and that we don't appreciate what we have, as well as us being ghetto. 3. Ignorance. For example, I've heard African-Americans that believe we have no culture and have no appreciation for America. First, allow me to say that American Black culture is one of the most influential and culturally diverse in the world. Hip Hop is just one example of this. Also, of course of country has problems; name me one that doesn't. That doesn't mean that you shouldn't love your country, just as Africans show pride for their country. America is a great country and we should love this country and our culture within it as well as the entire continent from which our ancestors came. 4. Seperatism. I love diversity just as much as the next sane person, but when the appreciation of diversity doesn't actually appreciate diversity but tears us apart instead, there is a problem. There is nothing wrong with being proud of what African country you are from, but when you make that pride into a way to belittle others who are not from that country, that is when I question the integrity of that pride. It pains me to see people that always want to be something than what they truly are. It pains me to see the "exotic" girl that doesn't look like everyone around her is labeled beautiful just because of that. It seems as if the farthest you are from "regular ol' black" that's the most proud and beautiful are, which I believe is also a part of the good hair/bad hair, light skinned/dark skinned complex comes from.

Creative Spaces

So I just came back from this International Women's Day Celebration event at my school. It was a really good event, and inspiring too. A lot of different artists came up and did creative pieces. The headliner of the event, though, was a transgendered spoken word artist by the name of Skim. Ze did excellent and displayed a lot of hir different talents and parts of hir personality. There was also a writing exercise where we had to write down a list of words to describe ourselves. My list went like this:writer, poet, loud, outspoken, opinionated, activist, organic, smart, beautiful, feminist, humanitarian, lover, friend. We also had to write a list to describe what we felt in a community of womyn. My list went like this: With you I feel and see/in a community of womyn I feel; love, strength, humor, and beauty. I want to build: love, celebration, community, and understanding. I promise myself to:trust myself and love those worthy of being loved.


Click the title of this post if you want to learn more.

I am privileged.

I have privilege. In a country where I always thought myself to marginalized and looked down upon in every way, shape, or form. I realize that I have privilege. I came across this revelation about five minutes ago, while reading my fresh copy of "Yes Means Yes! Visions of a Female Sexual Power and A World Without Rape", essays anthologized by Jaclyn Friedman and Jessica Valenti. So far, the book is really good and the essays enlightening. So, I am reading this one essay about female black sexuality, one of my interests, by Kimberly Springer. In the essay, she makes the statement, "remain mindful of my own heterosexual privilege". It was the first time I had ever known someone that is apart of any marginalized still openly admit that they might have it easier than other people in some ways. I have always have these visions in my mind of the person who has the most opportunity to be discriminated against. She is of a marginalized racial group. She is, obviously a lady. She is a member of the LGBTQ community. She is fat and she is a immigrant. I always feel sorry for her. I always feel that I have it easier than her because I am, American born, heterosexual, and relatively thin. I have privilege in these ways. I fit the societal mold, in these ways. Does this make me happy? No. I wonder what its like to be her. I want to deal with even more of a struggle. I am still marginalized but, not in every way. I realize that. Just like a white person must realize that he or she has a privilege in this country. I have it easier than she does. Acknowledging her struggle, does not diminish mine.